Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Mad Mad ad world!

Hi everyone!


today blog is dedicated to the mad mad advertisement world...they preach you anything and everything! As if every single customer buying or at least seeing their advertisement is deaf,dumb, lunatic and what not!!

I was bored with work, logged on to youtube to listen to some songs..but this ghost of Fortune rice bran oil swears not to let us live in peace. the amount of marketing budget they have, bill gates will be ashamed, he does not have that much money in his Swiss account!  this oil is everywhere!...tv,  radio, internet, facebook aur pata nai kaha kaha! I have got rice bran phobia!

Few off the idiotic advertisement campaign I have seen over a period of time,

 Bournvita, Horlicks,Complan:

All these three brands(what I recall) have some point or the other promised to all  Indian mothers that there drink increases the height of kids and improves that memory power. Now, this is the best example of false advertising, bcoz, the amount of all these bottles I have drowned, My height would have been 6'5 feet, where as I am 5'2....huh!
And the memory part, ha ha!! I will easily get entry in Guinness book of world records for forgetting everything right before entering exam hall!

21st century diet:

Ye mazedar hai!...market mein jahan dekho, sugar free, fat free, cholesterol free aur pata nai kya kya diet fads milenge aapko! the bipasha basu advertisement, biscuit ke naam pe maida kha rahe ho! and she says" eat macvitive digestive biscuit, maida free, banao aapko wafer thin slim"!!...burp!
Did anyone bother to turn the packet and have a close look at the amount of transfat it has?..the worst fat which never goes from your body is found on all these sugar free, fat free and blah blah products!
Bipasha also says, purani jeans mein fit hone hai to drink real fruit juice!..I got impressed...purani jeans mein fit hona tha...super market se utha ke le aayi...first sip liya...it was too sweet!..I thought itna mitha peeke kuan patla hoga?...packet turn karke dekha to small letters mein warning thi "does not contain any real fruit but tonnes of sugar? definitely!
The next moment, real fruit juice was inside the dustbin!

Aur ye chote chote bache aake aapko ye kao to vo kaho bolte hai na, mar karta hai ek thappad laga ke bolo, beta pehle bolna sikho sahi tarike se phir sikhana kya khana hai kya nai!...mommy aap ye toothpaste kyun use karte ho?...issme aunty nai hai na?( aunty mane antigen, didn't knew you eat antigen also!) aur to aur chai mein antifibroids!...errrr?!!!!!
cholestrol minus butter parathe pe lagao, maje se khao(nutrelite butter)...ek barr try kiya..it taste like ur eating raw oil sprinkled with paratha!

In all this ghooch ppooch to get slim and become healthy we forgot our humble dal chawl, paratha, idli, dhokla etc etc!

wo din duur nahi jab market mein fat free chicken, fish and egg milne lagega! fat free rice is already there!..tagline?!...bina exercise, khao daily rice!(hainji!)...google karke check kar lo!

Fairness Cream.

This saga is endless, I mean, every other skin care advertisement is about transforming your skin color from black to firangi white...kaise?...matlab koi mujhe samjhao!...aisa chamatkar kaise karte hai ye brand wale? fooling those poor people.
I still remember one of the childhood incident, when I went to my nani maa place, there was this care taker at home, one day while talking, mommy entered his room and saw a fair and lovely cream packet kept with utmost care along bedside(this was before fair and handsome for men was launched), mommy couldn't resist asking, do you use fair and lovely manoj? why? this is a women cream!
for which manoj asnwered, janta hun didi...ladkiyon ki cream hai...par mujhe dekho....kitna kala hun....thoda gora nai hua to mujhe sundar ladki kaise milegi!!
Mommy was dumbstuck...she didnt had any answer!..hope he got a pretty girl who does bother of his looks!
Recently my friend uploaded an image of times of India masterhead(Hyderabad edition),fairness cream for babies! I could not stop laughing!...bechare bache, abhi to paida hua, chalna sikhna nai, unko achi malishh karne ke bajae, fair and lovely se dhoo daloo!!

And the most outrageous one, fairness cream for inner parts!...whatt?....yes jaani!
Last IPL, I was in Chennai  it was a crucial match, CSK v/s RCB( though csk and rcb match is always crucial!), me being the only RCB loyal supporter, we were these 40+ people in the gym, everyone stopped working out and was glued to the TV as it was the last two overs, advertisement break happened, and guess what, there was this advertisement for fairness cream for inner parts...wtf??
there was a 10 second silence among the crowd, nobody said anything but everyone was visibly embarrassed!
the next thing I remembered was huge public outburst of this advertisement in all national dailies and eventually the advt was taken off!

But I am sure, they did get some customers!...kyun?....arre...The great Indian gora addiction!

Ye blog kyun likha meine?!....mujhe faltu advts ki leene mein bada maja aata hai!


Thursday, April 4, 2013

The curious case of house hunting!

Hi Bloggie!

Didn't write for so long...was busy...doing what?!.."House Hunting"!

Yes, was planning to vacant my current house...becoz my owner is an &*^@#$%...and the problem we are facing?! I cannot write them at this public forum, had a nasty fight with him last week as he was not paying any heed to our problems...it was enough.

So, the house hunting begins...little did we knew what's lying ahead of us.

We tried to hunt the area on our own looking for 1 BHK TO-LET board! sun decided to be kind enough and showered all his love on us...the heat was unbearable  we some how manage to roam the entire area with juice and coke breaks in between..1 bhk house chirag leke dhundho ge to bhi nai milega!

Tired, dejected, we came back, opened justdial and ringed all the brokers in the area...the answers were expected...Maddamm, therr iss noo 1 BHK available ein thess aerra!

we were not the one to lose hope so soon! we kept the hunt on and here are few observations made on the behavior of all those owners.

1. Family means papa, mummy and one bacha; two sisters staying together is not a family(my case), and yes, husband and wife staying together are couple and not to be mistaken as a family.

2. You should not have any friends, people coming to your house,specially guys, bestows you with the cult status of "SLUT".

3.  They want contact number of your entire "khandhan", and ya your previous owner as if the word "Terrorist" is plastered on our puppy face.

4. Out of the average 10 owners I met, 8 had this animated line "We want strictly vegetarians tenants"(Oops!..I am hardcore non veg and don't even know the correct spelling of vegetarian, in case of this blog, google ji-kisses!)..I would have digested this line..as in ok, your house your rules, fine!
but the reasoning  for vegetarians tenants is, our neighbors are all doctors, CAs, Lawyers, and we don't want bad name among them-as if neighbors don't have any better work other than checking what's inside my dustbin!

The climax of our hunt was the "would-be-owner-we-met" yesterday afternoon, an old guy, had this beautiful house under construction  as in the finishing stages, we loved it so much that we even dreamed the interiors of every room; the guy asked us to come in the evening to discuss the rent and contract. In the evening, we were  singing" jhumping jhapang jhumpak jhumpak, thumping thapank thampak thampak, gili gili chu" ( eyye, IPL theme song) dancing like farah khan we reached " our-soon-to be-house, the would-be-owner asked us to take our seat,

We waited for 10 min, 15 min, 20 min, he is not saying anything, curiously I said, Sir, can we discuss the contract now? Maa, wait, my entire family is coming to meet you! he said...errr what?!...why?!
I exclaimed "Entire family"! ...for which his answer was, Maa they want to see what kind of girl is taking the house!( what kind??). Me and my sister stared each other dresses and started fearing for the worst.

The family arrived, grandma, grandpa, mummy, two sons, daughter in law, daughter and her husband, kids and driver...phew!

Interrogation starts!
Q. Young lady, whats your full name?
A. sir, roli and neha yadav.
Q. Papa and Mummy name ?
A. S.N.S.Yadav and late R.Yadav.
Q. Your mother is no more?How come?
A. (haaa!!!) is this a question to be asked?!
Q. What is your caste maa?
A. (my eyebrow raised) Iam yadav sir!
Q. oho acha! what's your gotra?
A. (Wondering, what that has to do with house contract) I dono sir!
Q. You dono your gotra??!!( I got scared, for a second,he resembled dakuu mangal singh) are you non vegetarian?
A. Yes sir.(tangdi kabab ke bina bache ki jaan loge kya?!)
Q. look we are looking for pakka  VEGETARIAN(he sounded like gabbar singh with a riffle...seriously!) Do you drink Alcohol or smoke?!
A. Nooo sir!(My eye balls came out and I remember neha scratching my hand)
Q. Do you and your sister have boyfriend? how many?
A. I chuckled No sir...we don't have ANY BF( I saw him smiling with a sense of relief?!...as if every body standing outside your house, sleeps wid you!)
Q. Do you have music system? you are not supposed to play loud music.
Q. Look, young lady, we want someone who is a family person, who is vegetarian and off course does not drink!( boyfriend, are you kidding me, he will die!)
A. Sister for the first time murmured "Yes sir"...I was too shocked to react!
Q. And yes, did I mention, the advance will be Rs. 200000!!
A. My mouth open in shock(watt?!) bhai saheb, you want me to pay you this hefty amount to stay in a jail? I would rather murder someone and stay for free.
Q. Are you ok with these terms you lady?
A. Ummmm sir, we will see....(my sister whispered, di, bhagoo jaldi! matlab jaldi!)

We told him sir we will cal you by 9 pm and switched off our phones and did "bhag bhag DK bose, DK bose, bhag bhag DK bose bhag"!...when we  switched on our respective phones, each one of us had 20 something missed calls!

We sincerely pray that he gets tenant according to his "choice", in a students area!

No bf/gf, vegetarian, no music,knows his caste, creed, color, religion and region!

basically who is a "bore"!

Mein aur choti uss khubshurat ghar mein?...pagal ho kya??..ab to free mein bhi doge to bhi bhag jaenge!

bhagwan bachaye uss ghar ke tenants ko!